Across a smoky, dimly lit room, the eyes of two strangers meet. She holds his gaze as he nods and she nods in return. Rising from his chair he crosses the floor to her table and extends his hand. Accepting it, she accompanies him to the dance floor. It is her first time to Buenos Aires and she speaks little Spanish. He speaks no English. No matter, they both speak Tango.
Entering into an embrace, they sway slightly to the music – sensing it, sensing each other and then, two individuals seduced by the music, become captives of the dance as they navigate in unison across a crowded floor in what is called ‘the vertical expression of a horizontal desire’.
The rules and the etiquette of the dance are understood. The man, fully in his masculine, leads. The woman, the epitome of the feminine, follows. A masterful lead is sensitive, skillful and confident. The woman is expected to gracefully surrender.
Whether strangers from different Americas, two genders from different planets, or family living in the same house, we have all experienced the difficulty of effective communication. Daily, we are prone to using too many words, or maybe not enough – speaking superficially, unconsciously, and when it comes to expressing our deepest thoughts, desires, feelings and beliefs, we stumble around . . . grasping for ways to be understood. We try to protect ourselves and the the other, sometimes we, unfortunately, try to manipulate and hurt the other. We try to remember what we learned from the last great book we read on communication. We strive to inform and entertain. We try to create something meaningful. This is always a challenge.
If we are not authentic, if all parts of ourselves are not in alignment, we are likely to be sending mixed messages and people will be confused by us. At some level we feel contradictions and it results in us not fully trusting each other. We are prone to making too many assumptions, forgetting to maintain a respectful curiosity, resorting to familiar, less mature ways of communicating during times of stress – thereby, no longer engaging in loving communion
When we dance we can forget everything else and focus on surrendering to the music and our partner. Conversation becomes unimportant and habitual worries leave the room. When a woman is swept off her feet by a skillful dancer her whole self melts into the experience of him. The result is worth his effort. With the body of a woman pressed against him, surrendering in his arms to his every move, he is in charge and she becomes attentive – an active listener. Surrender, for a woman who is used to multi-tasking and leading an independent life, is often difficult and less than what she is willing to do. To be led with skill into a state of ecstasy, to be ravished and filled with love is the wish of the feminine.
We long for something significant. We long for silence. We long for connection. So we dance.